How Do We Stop the Seduction of our Young Women and Girls?

My mind moves incessantly these days to the young Grenadian women in my life. I can’t help wonder about the obstacles they must battle, obstacles that compete with the changing tides of their bodies, minds, emotions and spirits. Kayla, my 16 year old god(dess) daughter has been living with us for the past month and so perhaps witnessing daily the battles she faces while manoeuvring through the seductive advances of older men and a highly sexualized environment that rewards her for buying into the seduction with a false sense of power and confidence, has me writing and searching for answers.

I recall four years ago when Kayla and I were walking down the road on our way to Grenville. I remember the sexual glares and stares of older men moving up and down Kayla, throwing out comments like, “How you so sweet girl?” “Whats up sexy girl?” “You move nice girl want some company?”
“She’s 12 years old!” I hear myself saying calmly at first and then loudly, boldly, angrily, “She’s 12 years old! How would you like it if your 12 year old daughter, sister, cousin were being stared at and called the way you are staring and calling this 12 year old girl?” Kayla is laughing loving the attention, loving being noticed, talked about; her existence affirmed in an unhealthy and potentially dangerous way but nevertheless affirmed, acknowledged, seen.

I become a female wolf scanning the horizon, head tucked between paws, eyes surfacing, glaring out into the distance ready to pounce, to protect my young from the threats, from a scandalous scene of seduction that seems wrong, unnatural, abusive, violent. So why is it happening? Why is it happening all over the world? Why are our young women and girls being seduced by older men?

I hear the old conditioned, habitual patterns of violence and oppression falling from Kayla’s Mother’s mouth ‘She rude too much. You feel she easy Maureen. She only have men on her mind. I give up. She mind no good!” I hear this often as a way of defining our teenage girls here in Grenada, those girls who reach out and respond and then eventually react to these same men and find themselves either sexually involved or sexually abused.

Why are some of our girls accepting, falling for the seduction? Is it about economics, keeping up with style, survival? A promise of a new shoe, a bag of corn curls, a piece of kentucy fried chicken, a cell phone, free bus ride? Or is it to satisfy more hidden needs like the human need to be loved, seen, heard, affirmed, acknowledged? Is it a need to regain a sense of power even if it is a false sense power? Or is it the absence of positive male role models, or absent fathers, or fathers who don’t know how to love their girl children when they begin to mature into their sexual adolescent selves? Is it the mixed messages they receive daily from television, radio, music, videos, at home and in the streets? Or Is it the lack of social programs for communities, families, youths, single mothers, boys and men at risk?

And why are some older men seducing our young women and girls? Is it because they are afraid of strong independent women their own age? Is it because it makes them feel powerful? Is it the lack of positive male role models, or fathers who are absent or don’t claim them from birth? Is it because they have very little self-esteem, self-worth and therefore seduce someone less powerful, naïve, innocent? Is it because as a global society we teach our boys to be strong, powerful, emotionally passive and therefor deny them their soft, weak, vulnerable sides?

I ask these questions as a means of broadening my mind around issues that continue to create confusion, negativity and dislike for the men I catch watching, dissing, tempting Kayla and other young women. I ask these questions to understand Kayla’s slight smile towards the attention, the way she moves her body, the clothes she wears that beg the world to look at her, notice her. I ask these questions because I am tired of hearing our young women being called rude, bad minded, disrespectful while the problem runs much deeper than blaming and labelling. I ask these questions so that we can begin dialoguing with one another in a quest for understanding, transforming, protecting and healing ourselves, our youth, our families, our communities, our schools our country, our world.