Sharing the Vibe

Sharing the Vibe

Recently the Village Dance Group began experiencing small waves of conflict. The waves soon turned into larger waves, waves that threatened to wash up the group into fragments and possibly break up the beautiful rhythms the girls worked so hard to manifest. At first it looked quite simple two girls fighting because one said something mean about the other but soon this seemingly simple conflict began to unfold its complicated pedals.

Being in the middle of community and being an outsider has its ups and downs. One of the ups is the ability to listen without being entangled in the history of families intimately connected through generations back. I can be in the middle of various conversations and practice active listening without getting entangled in the history of the community and the habitual stories that can hinder one’s ability to suspend judgement and listen without putting up walls of self-preservation and protection.

When I first heard of the conflict between the two girls I must admit, my first thought was, “aha an opportunity to practice my Dialogue for Peace Skills (DPC) skills!” I took the next few days in community listening actively and hearing the different conversations related to the conflict. I began to hear the intricate layers reaching deep into stories of obeah, (obeah is one of the terms used in Grenada and in the Village to refer to witchcraft), racial discrimination amongst cousins, leaders unconsciously favouring some kids while harshly judging others, and old grievances between families of the kids. Once again I realized that conflict is rarely simple and the layers can spread like a candle flame creeping up the side of weather worn curtains.

DPC is about creating safe spaces so that peaceful dialogue can take place. The session began with creative team building exercises. We drew a collage of our hands and names and then partnered up to share and discuss the different names the kids were known by. The kids then lined themselves up according to birthdates without speaking, and we played the game “all my neighbours” that helped the group focus on similarities we all share. Afterwards we created community guidelines. The kids were active agents in creating a positive, playful, and safe environment.

Once a safe space was created we began identifying various emotions that people experience daily. The activity was challenging for both the kids and leaders. I heard some of the kids proclaim, “nah man! Me, I don’t get angry.” “Ah sad, nah man, I never feel sad”. I realized that expressing emotions and feelings is a foreign language to many of us. The kids were also fearful of becoming vulnerable through sharing what made them sad or angry. Many of the Village kids can’t afford to be soft and vulnerable due to the hard lives that surround them and the survival mode that engulfs them. I learned more clearly that identifying and expressing emotions is a privilege that many of these kids do not have.

In the last part of the evening we looked at anger specifically. The kids broke up into small groups and discussed what made people angry and how people reacted to anger. The Community Centre was buzzing with dialogue. While settling back into the circle, one of the kids talked about hunger and how being hungry can make someone angry. We talked about kids going to school hungry and I asked whether this could cause fights to break out in the school yard. A connection was made immediately and one of the kids said “ya I can get real angry and want to fight when my belly grumbling!” One of the older kids talked about physical and emotional abuse at home and the violence witnessed often in the community and at schools as reasons why many kids are angry. The discussion then moved to how kids react to anger. A lively discussion on gossip and talking negatively about friends and family sparked. The kids were able to make the connection between negative reactions to anger and how this can create conflict between family, friends, and neighbours. Through role playing, kids witnessed and acted out the many different directions conflict can move, effecting not only friendships and family relations but also community groups and programs.

When I first expressed interest in facilitating a conflict resolution session the youth leaders were excited. However, they admitted, their expectations and hope was for a court scene where the two parties in conflict would get a chance to either win or lose their case. They did not expect the session to be on conflict in general and surprised to hear and understand how conflict is a natural part of everyone’s lives. They also expressed surprise at their own capacity to create conflict and deal with conflict both within and outside themselves.

At the beginning of the session, some of the girls walked into the Community Centre stone faced and angry, ready to do battle defending their positions. They did not expect that by the end of the session everyone would come out a winner and the hardened faces and attitudes worn at the beginning of the session would soften into peace signs and smiles, arms draped around one another, and laughter freely flowing. (check out the picture above for proof!)