gender reflections

Stay Home and Mind Baby

All talk shifts from village man who stole over $30,000 of cocoa worker’ wages to a next village neighbor, a young mother accused of abandoning her children to “jump up” in carnival. My neighbor friend was picked up by police while getting on a boat to head to sister island Carriacou to take part in carnival. The story spreads that she left her three kids sleeping in the house and told her brother to watch them while “she gone.” The story continues that her Father called the police because he thought she was “getting on too much” by leaving her children with different members of the family while she went out to socialize. Our neighbor, mother of three, spent a Carriacou carnival in jail.

As most stories go throughout the world there are many colorful versions of the truth. However does anyone ever really know the truth. The first reaction to the story that hit me first was from another father, “She sick. She real sick. Imagine leaving your three children so you can “ jump up” in carnival. I always suspect something wrong with she head. There are many evening I see her at the shop when she should be home with she children. Imagine sitting up at the shop smoking cigarettes and taking a drink while your children are home sleeping. She leaving those kids in the house and coming down the road to do what???”

I ponder these words and can’t help think of the men who sit, smoke and drink night after night at the same shop. Majority of them fathers of young children. I think back of my own childhood and reflect on who stayed with my brother and I most nights while my dad was out socializing. I try to imagine the reversal. I try to imagine my mom leaving us night after night to hang with her girlfriends. I try to imagine me now leaving Maya night after night to socialize and feed a part of me that craves adult connections. I mention this to Theo “ I wonder what the village would say about me if they saw me down the road regularly and you home with Maya?” Theo responds, “They would judge me too you know and call me a ‘mamaguy’, someone ruled by their woman.” I leave Theo to ponder his own fear of judgement and reflect more about our socially conditioned minds wrapped around gender issues.

The same day the story spread I spoke with another village friend and neighbour who told me she was “feeling it” for our friend who was presently in jail. She pronounces, “I aint running my mouth on she at all! I know the pressure! I know what its like to be home with children all the time and no release. So where the Father? He should be locked up too. Why everyone quick to condemn the woman and nobody checking on the father. We need a break too you know.” These words spoken by single mom who raised 13 children. In my head I hear the rebuttal, “So why she make baby if she don’t want to stay home and mind baby?” I reflect further on gender stereotypes and wonder how and when these same stereotypes will be stripped of their conditioned meaning and understood in terms of health and well being for all worldwide.

An old time folk song escapes Maya’s lips as she practices for school concert. “brown skin girl stay home and mind baby, brown skin girl stay home and mind baby. I’m going away on a sailing boat and if I don’t come back stay home and mind baby.” I hear her say to her girlfriend, “so why can’t he stay home and mind baby and we go take a trip on sail boat!”